So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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