Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
