Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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