I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cockslap morals
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
