that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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