I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
