you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
