Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
