i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So squirting runs in the family.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
