On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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