I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
