I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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