how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
