WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
