I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
