I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize