These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
