Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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