Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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