If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize