I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
