I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
