I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
