I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
