i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize