mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
