Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
