she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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