I wannas sexs uuuuu
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
