Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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