just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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