Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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