I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
