the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
