The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
