You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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