The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
