Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
