ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
