we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
