Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This baby is an asshole
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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