You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
