i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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