I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
