I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
