oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
