I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
