I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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