for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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