i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i out mim tonsoeep
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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