Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
