dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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