New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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