She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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