in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
