the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
