oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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