Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
