Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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