It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.