Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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