hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think my tv is drunk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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