My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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