i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
