i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
