I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
