I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
