butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Where is the hickey?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
