Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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