I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
